Couples Therapy in Soquel, CA
Is Your Relationship In Need Of Repair?
Are you and your partner experiencing challenges when it comes to intimacy, communication, and/or the division of labor?
Have responsibilities like work and childcare gotten in the way of your ability to be close and spend quality time together?
Does it feel like you’re on different pages about the life you want to share?
Relationship struggles can be isolating and painful. It’s distressing to feel increasingly disconnected and unable to manage conflict, and as outside stressors mount, tension in a relationship often worsens.
If You’re LGBTQ+, You May Experience Unique Relational Challenges
Couples from all backgrounds share these challenges, and we all know how difficult it can be when a partnership begins to feel unmanageable. But for queer couples, in particular, unique obstacles can develop.
For instance, you may be in a relationship where there are desire discrepancies or differences in sexual and gender identity. Maybe one of you identifies a certain way that feels incompatible with how your partner identifies. Maybe one of you is out while the other is not. This can present challenges when it comes to nurturing a connection that feels mutually authentic and fulfilling for both partners.
LGBTQ+ couples also face the added trauma of discrimination. Whether you have a hard time feeling fully comfortable being a couple out in the world or you find that heteronormative expectations prevent you from feeling confident as a spouse or parent, outside factors may be impacting the way you engage with one another at home. But healing is possible.
Couples therapy is a meaningful way to devote focused time and space to your relationship. As you peel back the layers of your relationship’s unique challenges, you can rebuild your connection and embark on a new path together.
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We All Need To Learn How To Be In Relationship With Others
I know that relational challenges can feel deeply isolating and even shameful at times—but I assure you that you are not alone. We live in a deeply disconnected society that doesn’t always do a good job of teaching us how to nurture strong, healthy attachments. While many technologies have been designed to foster connection between people, the truth is that these same technologies are often to blame for our feelings of insecurity and loneliness.
For many of us, we were not offered a healthy relational blueprint. Especially if we were raised in an environment that didn’t honor our sexuality or gender identity, the belief can develop over time that we are somehow “wrong,” incapable, or unworthy of a loving partnership.
Counseling helps couples at every stage of the relationship—not just those who are on the brink of separation. Working together with an experienced therapist, this process can help you and your partner transform into an attuned, aware couple who has what it takes to solve problems together.
My Practice Specializes In Therapy For LGBTQ+ Couples
As a trauma-informed therapist, my approach to couples counseling revolves around creating a gentle, collaborative atmosphere where both of you can feel safe to open up and explore your issues. Couples therapy sessions take place with all partners present, and the intake process will help me individualize treatment in order to meet your needs.
My Approach
I draw from an attachment-based framework that incorporates family-of-origin dynamics. As we explore communication patterns and outside influences that may be contributing to conflict and misunderstanding, I will have a better picture of your relationship as a whole. From there, we can begin to do the deep work of repair and rebuilding.
In addition to the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) model, which serves as a foundation for my approach as a couples therapist, I also teach clients techniques from the highly useful Gottman Method to foster connection. When used in combination, EFT and The Gottman Method can be very effective in counseling, particularly when used among LGBTQ+ couples.
I am confident that a happy, healthy relationship awaits you and your partner. Through therapy, you can improve communication and change the dynamic that exists between you. As you learn what it takes to validate, connect with, and support one another, you can strengthen your relationship and overcome its weak spots.
Common Concerns About Couples Counseling…
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As an experienced, professional clinician, my job is to support both of you. In couples therapy, the marriage or relational system itself is the client—not the individual people in it—and my goal is to strengthen that dynamic in a way that feels fulfilling and satisfying for all.
This process is not about who is “right” and who is “wrong”; rather, it’s about supporting both parties in the relationship so that a sense of harmony and mutual validation can be restored.
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A lot of couples worry about this issue before seeking counseling, but it’s important to consider how conflict and miscommunication worsen when issues aren’t addressed head-on. You or your partner may be telling yourself that your conflict “doesn’t matter” or that it doesn’t bother you that much, while at the same time, you feel ready to fly off the handle any time disagreement occurs.
In couples therapy, we explore and get curious about conflict instead of avoiding it. Once you and your partner embrace that conflict isn’t something to fear but something to learn from, true and lasting growth can take place.
Because aspects of my practice are geared toward LGBTQ+ clients, in particular, I aim to operate my practice with the utmost empathy and cultural competence. I feel very confident in my ability to treat traumas of all kinds, and I promise to handle anything you bring to the counseling space with understanding, respect, and the acknowledgement that you are ultimately the expert on your life.
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While we may not be able to control our partner’s decisions, we can attempt a genuine, curious conversation about what’s keeping them from committing to couples counseling—and why it’s important for us to begin working with a therapist.
I am happy to help you strategize on how to convey this to your partner, and I am also available for individual counseling if that feels like a better way to initiate the healing process. Once you have more insights and skills in place, you may have a better time convincing your partner to attend couples therapy.
Your Connection Can Be Healed
My counseling approach draws from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), The Gottman Method, and trauma-informed techniques to foster healing among couples—particularly LGBTQ+ couples. Contact me for more information or to schedule an intake.
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